the wedding officiant's guide, pt. i
This year I’m committing to reading more, I swear. I say it every year, but it’s actually happening because I’m telling you it’s happening.
Naturally, I’m behind, but I did manage to finish my first and most important read of the year: The Wedding Officiant’s Guide: How to Write & Conduct a Perfect Ceremony by Lisa Francesca.
Over the course of my career as a wedding planner, I’ve witnessed a wide array of ceremonies led by both amateur and professional officiants, rabbis and pastors, friends and family members of the couple, and there is a stark difference in experience for my clients who opt to ask a friend or family member to officiate their wedding instead of working with, or hiring, a seasoned professional.
You by no means are required to hire or work with a professional officiant, but you can save yourself a headache and some stress sweat by reviewing some of the key takeaways from Lisa’s book below and maybe even send a copy to your chosen officiant months before your wedding date.
Your officiant should meet with you as a couple 1-2 times in a relaxed setting to get to know you and what kind of ceremony you’d like to have before drafting your ceremony. You should be presented with an opportunity to review and edit the ceremony script before the day of the wedding.
Every ceremony has a beginning, middle and end, but what that looks like is completely up to you. See here for more information on the elements that make up a wedding ceremony.
Civil or secular ceremonies can be officiated by anyone who’s been deputized for the day by the county, but cannot use religious words such as “God,” “holy,” or “blessed.” Only those who have been ordained can officiate a spiritual or religious ceremony.
The ordination process is free and relatively easy thanks to online resources such as the Universal Life Church and the American Marriage Ministries.
Your officiant should advise you on how to acquire your marriage license and, once acquired by the couple, the license should be given to the officiant the day before the wedding, ideally at the rehearsal, along with your vows. Your officiant will keep these safe for you.
Your officiant is responsible for filling out their portion of the marriage license ahead of time in dark, durable ink, tracking down the required signatures after the ceremony again, in dark, durable ink, and mailing it in for you, making sure to save a copy of it for their own records and yours.
If one or both parties opt to change their name on their marriage license, make sure to request a certified copy of the marriage license for proof at the DMV, social security office or any other official agencies. See here for a list of the common offices and agencies you’ll need to change your legal name with.
If no coordinator is present on the day of your rehearsal and/or wedding, your officiant is in charge of the rehearsal and ceremony including, but not limited to, the procession and recession.
There’s so much more information to be found in Lisa’s book, but hopefully this short list gives you an idea of what role your officiant plays on the day of and in the months leading up to your wedding.
Consider supporting your local bookstore or public library if you can!
xo, Amy